Let’s talk about the most difficult part of being a parent, acceptance of the ‘as-is’ state. Not what you were expecting I’m sure, but let’s explore this often triggering topic together.
What is the as-is state?
It’s the current moment, the ever-evolving now moment. Think of the pregnant woman who’s starving, but can’t decide what to eat. Every couple of minutes her body is craving something different. In that same way, we must stay in the moment by moment cravings of our Self in choosing what is to come next.
As a parent, it can often be so hard to accept where you are currently. Whether it’s the sleepless nights, the toddler tantrums, the crazy preschooler, or even the moody teens. But like everyone says, ‘You’ll miss these moments when they’re gone.’ Even the ones we think of as ‘bad’. Because when we accept whatever our as-is state is, it automatically becomes a neutral moment. This is the moment we are in and it’s different from 15 minutes ago and that’s ok.
This is another moment of growth for your being.
The as-is moment affords you a chance to decide if you are going to react to any given situation from an empowered state or a reactionary state. It allows us to remove ourselves from our ego momentarily to give you a chance to act from a place of intuition with emotional flexibility, which ultimately leads to another moment of growth.
By not becoming triggered and falling into our emotions, we choose a higher state of being. We can see that nothing comes from lowering ourselves down to interacting with negative situations that ultimately don’t serve our highest good.
Now, when we have moved into this place of acceptance, of neutrality, not only does it feel completely different in your being, but you begin to see that negative behavior is your child crying for help, however that presents in your now moment. That could be your baby throwing a tantrum because they are overtired, or having a meltdown mid store because their little bodies are completely overwhelmed with stimuli. Or how many times have we ourselves overreacted when we were hungry? We all know hangry is a real thing! Ha ha!
If we ourselves find it difficult to control emotions as adults, then how are we to expect young children to have these skills mastered?
Something, no matter what it is, has become too much for them and they’re crying out in the only way they know how. Our job is to meet them where they are in that moment and help them. We have to equip them with the knowledge of their emotions so they can work through and process these emotions on their own in the future. We are only to guide them on their journey here, just as they serve as a catalyst for growth for us. We all have a role we are playing.
We want them to be successful so we must give them these tools. I’m sure by now you are finding out as I have, that I don’t really have those tools. So it becomes me reparenting my self alongside parenting my own children. It creates an interesting dynamic, but it has been so healing for all of us.
We all have a more authentic acceptance for each other now. It has allowed for a deeper bond to open between myself and my higher self. It allows me to stop in most moments now and not be reactionary. It’s an everyday lesson I am happy to learn from.
Each day comes with forgiveness in one form or another and each day there is a lesson in grace.
The goal of each day as a parent is to accept the as-is moment on your journey together with your child. We can not project onto them what we wish they were. We cannot grieve what has already gone, for what will happen with your current moment? You’ll be missing it too in a few years from now!
Stay here in this moment and accept where everyone is at and your day will go much smoother. No one said it would be a walk in the park, but it does get to be a bit easier when everyone is aware of the current situation and accepts what is happening. Solve the root of the cause, don’t treat only the symptoms!