I held Elan and he laid his head on my shoulder. I could feel him resting. Falling asleep. He just turned one yesterday and he’s at the running and climbing stage. Everything is new and exciting. He is usually so determined to run when I just want to hold him and cuddle.
Today I wondered is this how God feels when we rush to leave the present moment? Maybe the Divine wants to hold us, and just love us, but we can’t seem to stay present enough to receive. We have too much on the to do list. We are too insecure in ourselves, feeling like we need so much outside of what we are. In doing this, we are missing the entire point of life. To experience freedom. To be free.
So let’s talk about what it feels like when you are NOT free. I have moments of high anxiety, especially at work. It feels like running, it feels like searching for a place to hide in a wide open space. It feels like vulnerability. It feels like a strong craving in my core for what is different than what is. It feels like a losing battle fighting resistance.
So when asked what does your freedom look like? I would say my freedom is peaceful presence, mindful awareness in each moment. Freedom of expression. The freedom of wholeness. Never having to reject any part of myself.
What exactly am I waiting for to receive this freedom? How does a person claim this freedom? Through meditation? Surrender?
Perhaps there is no perfect answer. Maybe the answer is different for everyone. I can only tell you what helped me today.
I am whole.
I am full.
I am complete.
There is nothing I need outside of this moment.
I repeated these affirmations until my anxiety subsided.
I also took a nature walk with the intention of being fully present. I listened to birds. I ventured into spaces I haven’t been before. I watched the creek, and felt the peace of flowing water over rocks.
I listened to an inspiring podcast.
I took deep breaths.
I practiced mindful awareness of the body, suspending thoughts (as much as possible) and really feeling what was happening in my body.
I encourage you to find what works for you. What allows you to receive the gifts and lessons of this present moment. What enables you to be cradled in the arms of the Divine and know that everything you need is right here.